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The Horrible Things They Said About My Daughters

After adopting her two daughters, Kim Kelley-Wagner faced (and often still does) some truly hurtful and often quite offensive questions from friends, strangers and co-workers. Intentional or not, it is proof that words truly have the power to hurt.

To highlight just how powerful, ignorant and unnecessary some of those comments are, she’s created a photo series starring her daughters. It sees each girl holding up some of the most controversial statements made by those who question their mothers motivations and reasons for adoption.

I have tried to explain to my daughters that people do not say these things to be mean, they say them out of ignorance, which is why I am sharing some of them. Words are powerful, they can become tools or weapons, choose to use them wisely. – Kim Kelley-Wagner

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 2

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 3

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 4

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 5

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 6

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 7

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 8

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 9

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 10

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 11

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 12

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 13

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 14

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 15

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 16

The Horrible Things They Said About My Adopted Daughters 17

Via Kim Kelley-Wagner and sobadsogood

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  • kate

    What a lucky and beautiful family you all are, ignore the haters and shine with you in your family xxxxx

  • Gen

    ALL kids will have problems, moron….

  • ShinjisSecret

    What rude “friends.” They needs to be punched in the face.

  • DeniDee

    Such hateful and ignorant comments! I’m an adoptee myself and have heard some of these firsthand. So sad that some people have such narrow minds.

  • fireflywander

    “How can you love a child you didn’t give birth to? I could never do that!”
    Does that mean you can’t love your nieces and nephews? Your grandchildren? Your best friend’s child? Ridiculousness

    • EozS

      For some people that might actually be true. I don’t love anyone’s kids, but presumably I’d love my own if I had one. Of course, you don’t TELL people that (unless it’s anonymously, over the internet, of course).

    • Viridi913

      It’s that ignorant notion that only their genes are worth spreading, only their spawn would be worthy of love. The epitome of stupidity and selfishness, morons that spout that kind of bile shouldn’t be allowed to have children of their own. It’s clear they have the mental maturity of a twelve year old.

  • Pablito

    A poignant reminder of how much people suck.

  • Bethany Mandel

    These are horrible things to say to an adoptive parent but I’m pretty sure it’s also horrible that you had your kids hold up signs saying this crap.

    • Jessica McCoy

      I see what you’re saying. They *are* horrible things to say to an adoptive parent, but they’ve also been said to/in front of the girls. I know Kim, and I know that she would not have done this series without having deep heart-to-hearts with the girls. She isn’t traumatizing or shaming them. She is exposing the ignorance of the people who say stuff like that.

      This series reminds me of the also powerful and heartbreaking series, http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/ in which people who have been sexually assaulted/abused share quotes from their perpetrators.

      The quotes are horrible, and they’re meant to cause people to have a reaction, be it anger, empathy or compassion.

      • EozS

        Yes, but those are adults who made an adult choice to post those things online. I wouldn’t really say that what she made her daughters do here is “horrible” but she’s definitely using them to get a reaction, and I’m not sure that that’s the best way to go about this.

        • SarahJesness

          Maybe her daughters WANTED to do this. I’m sure they don’t like hearing this crap either.

          • Raree Forlorn Sixx

            I completely agree. If I were the mom I would punch these people in the face. AND, you can ABSOLUTELY love a child that you did not give birth to. I would give up my life for my 3 nephews if need be. Lots of cold hearted people in this world. Disgusting.

  • Kelly S

    how do people that stupid remember to breathe? some of them definitely are racist idiots, on top of being stupid in general.

  • roguethunder

    They are some very ignorant people. As long as your beautiful girls are aware of this, as they grow they will likely have some really good comebacks. that is what I would love to watch. You have a beautiful family. Your girls are so pretty. .

  • Renee Winegard Adams

    Your daughters are beautiful! It’s a shame people are so ignorant and can be so hurtful and insensitive.

    • Truth Hurts

      Come on, we all know her daughters aren’t beautiful, but people should just stop saying things like that: she has reasons why she chose to adopt these Asian kids. It doesn’t matter how they look.

      But let’s not play lies and call them beautiful because they’re not.

      • Renee Winegard Adams

        Wow! Really? Unbelievable!

        • Truth Hurts

          We are too used to telling people they are this, they are that, just because we don’t want to offend them; or just because their race is different.

          Truth hurts, but saying lies like, “You’re beautiful,” and similar things do not help.

          Think about this. If I were Asian and you told me crap like that, I’ll tell you, “Why are you telling me I’m beautiful? Is that because I’m Asian? What if I’m white, would you tell me the same thing?” We all know the answer to that.

          • Jude

            Obviously what you value as beautiful is not what most parents value as beautiful when it comes to children

          • Renee Winegard Adams

            It seems that your definition of beauty is very shallow. That is truth. I believe beauty is deeper than physical appearance and goes deeper to include a persons worth and value. I’ve known people to be very ‘beautiful’ by American standards of physical appearance only to find them much less attractive after getting to know them. I’ve also found the opposite to be true. Those I’ve not considered attractive when first meeting, become literally more beautiful because of their soul. I also believe that there are beautiful people of all races. If you can’t see this, you’re missing out.

          • Laura Puchis

            What about when YOU find something beautiful and others don’t? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it can range from the most ridiculous thing to something magnificent. Each person has a different standard of beauty and in all honesty the physical aspect of it comes and goes so fast that its not worth making it a big deal. Someone can be a real beauty physically and be a royal pain in the ass and no one will want to be surrounded by them while the person who will be average looking or “ugly” will be a beautiful person and be surrounded by the people they love. Which one is worth more? sECOND, ARE YOU FREAKEN KIDDING ME, the “truth” like what those people said is extremely damaging to the child’s vision of self worth, specially because those things said are not the truth. We cannot hide behind innocence saying its the truth and it hurts, what a big pile of crap. Truth is those girls are adorable, even with the physical aspect of it I find them cute and adorable and for and adult to have the balls to say those things to children and their parents just shows the lack of sensitivity and ignorance they live in.

          • Truth Hurts

            How is “Can you speak some Chinese for me?” extremely damaging? They are East Asians, and it’s obvious. It’s only natural for people to assume they know Chinese, Korean, Japanese or any other similar language.

            Of course the PC police will cry about it again, saying it’s generalization. Dude, come on, when you see these kids you already know they’re Asians.

            On the other hand, the Asian kid wearing pink is adorable. She smiles. The girl with the white shirt, on the other hand, needs to work on her self-esteem. Her personality is a black void. It’s not there.

          • Laura Puchis

            Well for starters what if the kids were not Chinese? Why do American’s call every spanish speaking person a MEXICAN…ignorance and its offensive to say: “say this in Chinese” when you are not even Chinese. Let me guess you are a white person living in the united states so you have never grown tired of someone tell you speak Mexican to me, or speak chinese or any other things. Thats not the most Damaging thing to say to a child but it is very prejudicial.

            Of course cause taking a picture that says the horrible things that are told to them should be super exciting and they should pose like amazing people and smile, right, Oh and of course you can analyze all her personality out of a picture. WOW your amazinggg!!!

            Its natural to ask, where are you from not can you say this in chinese? Once they know which country they are from then go ahead and ask whatever you want.

          • gothicgaelicgirl

            how is it insulting?
            Because trying to guess someone’s origin of birth due to their skin colour is racist.
            My mother is Dutch.
            She is half Indonesian, her father is FULL Indonesian.
            She STILL gets asked to speak Chinese, because she is quite tanned or “high colour” and has long jet black hair and a slight Asian turn at the corner of her eyes.

            When she answers people in a heavy Irish accent, it’s the best thing ever.

          • Raree Forlorn Sixx

            Yes — Asian. There are many different types of Asians and you think they all speak the same language. You are a sick bastard.

          • gothicgaelicgirl

            you are just…the most horrendous person…
            yes, not everyone is “conventionally beautiful” but that is society’s fault for trying to force us into accepting- blonde, busty, tall, thin, for standard beauty!!
            I’m no oil painting but I know my partner, he finds me beautiful!
            I’m short, curvy with facial piercings and spiky hair. I wear corsets and black.
            He is grey, bearded, balding but you know what?

            WE find each other beautiful!

            It is NOT up to YOU to decide what every human being believes is beautiful.
            My cousin has Down’s Syndrome and sadly, due to society, SHE’S not considered beautiful- but to us, her family, she is!

            So please, think before you feel the need to inject your.. truths… as you call them.

            Because beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

      • Charles Vise

        Beauty may only be skin deep, but being an asshole goes all the way to the core. You are obviously 100% asshole.

        • gothicgaelicgirl

          you sir have made my day!
          I fear Truth Hurts is somewhat of a racist at heart.
          Or just very lonely…

  • Eerye70

    Truth is, aside from the out of country comments, adoptive parents hear that crap all the time. My friend adopted several special needs kids from here. She gets asked all the time if she just likes messed up kids or if she has some unmet mental need or whatever. People just blurt out stupid crap. Being human is a messy business. If they are truly friends tell them it hurt. If they are strangers tell them to bug off…

  • Kate Gage

    I would like to give the girls a big interwebs *hug*

  • Charles Vise

    I thank God that these young ladies have you to love them. How sad it must be for the children of your “friends”, to have parents like that. Your kids are the blessed ones.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    this doesn’t JUST apply to adoption-
    I’ve five stepkids and STILL, nearly 5 years on, get people asking- O but when are you having YOUR OWN?
    You’ll know what REAL love is with your OWN baby!
    How can you love them, they’re someone else’s!

    My response is a massive f–k you, I love these kids as if they WERE my own.
    I would treat them no differently than if I had babies of my own!

    People are so unbelievably ignorant!

    • Raree Forlorn Sixx

      That is just disgusting. You do NOT have to give birth to a child to love them as your own. Bastards!!!!

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        THANK YOU!
        I wish more people were as accepting as you!